Turn back the votes
04 June 2014
Slithershanks could not be happier with where the country is heading. Sure, the Budget was tough. But why not? After all, why can't the unemployed do a decent day's work like normal people? If they insist on being weird, well, that's there look out.
Some people say Slithershanks is weird, but does he look troubled? No. Because he is weird.
"If people insist on getting old, then they only have themselves to blame," said Slithershanks to nobody in particular, who fortunately wasn't listening. "It's not our fault they are living longer. So why should we pay for them? I reckon it's a case of user pays. If you use up all that time by living past 70, then all the rest of us will obviously have a lot less time for you. Only fair."
To prove just how deep he is, Slither has penned a few definitions:
Clients. A creature known in professional circles as “potential lunch”.
Committee. A body whose role it is to work out what must be done and then to make sure it doesn’t happen.
Dawkins, Richard. A zoologist who can tell the difference between a zebra and a donkey, but not between an ass and a serious thinker. A specialist in the many species of straw men.
Four pillars policy. The policy that Australia must have four big banks to ensure competitiveness in the sector. It is clearly anachronistic because, as everyone knows, two plus two does not equal four, it equals banks having to earn a living. We can’t allow that.
Gold price. Over the last week, the gold price barely responded to the earthquake in China, had almost no reaction to the difficulties in Justin Bieber's personal life, and scarcely moved in response to the internal ructions of the Victorian Liberal Party. Once again we see how heartless this precious metal is.
Leader. An imperious type who says things like: “Answer me when I’m talking to myself.”
Treasury modeling. A modern version of soothsaying, but without the scientific rigour.
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