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The great Down Under shirt front

17 October 2014  |  News

ShirtIt is of great concern that prime minister Tony Abbott will be shirt fronting the Russian president Vladimir Putin. This raises ever so many questions. Will he be wearing his chesty bonds at the time? Are his chest muscles big enough?

Wouldn't it be better if Mr Abbott short fronted him? He looks great in shorts. And those budgie smugglers, they look very impressive. Or maybe he could start a fight, then run away. He is a teriffic runner. Or he could hop on a bike and try to run President Putin over. That might work. And if he started swimming to Russia, it would make a great triathlon. Of course, the bike might come out the worse for wear, but we have to accept collateral damage in international relations. He should be able to charge it to his government credit card. It could even be run on Fox Sports and the proceeds donated to something or other.

Anyway, while we ponder these great issues, here are some definitions:

Banks. It used to be the case that if you owe the bank $100, and can't afford to pay you have a problem. But if you owe $100 million and can't pay then the bank has a problem. Now, however, the banks have fought back against this cruel circumstance. When they make profits of billions, the only problem is how to spend it, but when they make losses of hundreds of billions everyone else has the problem of paying for it. Victory must be sweet.


Correction. An opportunity for a media outlet to admit that it was wrong in such a way as to prove it was really right all along.

  1. A sporting event whose motto is higher (dosages), faster (invention of new performance enhancing drugs) stronger (chemical substances).

PPP. Purchasing power parity. How much you pay for a hamburger in different countries. Nothing else, just hamburgers.

Ratings agencies. Institutions that really don’t rate very highly these days. Maybe it should be a 'p' and not a 't'. Hard to say.

Technology. With all the concentration on business innovation these days, why doesn’t someone invent swearing friendly technology? For example, surely someone could make a fax machine, which, when you yell: “Why the f$%^# don’t you work you f$^%# b$%%&$?” responds with: “Yes of course, sir, I will be only to happy to clear that jammed paper. Please be kind enough to wait a minute while I fix it.” That’s not too hard, is it? Here are some words that are not too hard.


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