Thanks for the entertainment

16 July 2014  |  News

Politicians do a great job of keeping everyone amused. We all knew we did not like politicians; now we have someone to make the point for us.

The changes of position seems almost limitless. One minute conflicted financial advice is evil and wicked, next minute those who do not hug their advisers are just being churlish.

One minute the climate can look after itself, thank you very much, next minute it has to be defended against deniers at all costs because the climate is so cuddly.

Your up is your down. Your down is your up. Your in is your out and your out is somewhere, but I can't exactly remember where and anyway I think we have the numbers but I might change my mind in the morning and that is the end of the interview, thank you very much, what was the question?

Here are some up and down words:

Advice. If a man who represents himself in court has a fool for a client, a man who courts financial advisers is probably just a fool.

Alcohol. Where would we be without alcohol? Sober, that’s where.

Brain Storming. BS.

Delegation. If a job’s worth doing, it’s a job worth passing on to someone else. Managers must never get distracted from the challenging task of taking credit for the work of others.

Factors. Like facts, only they hang around a bit longer. Useful for feeding into financial models to make guesses sound more plausible.

Gold. A financial asset whose value is based purely on perception. As opposed to money, whose value is based purely on itself.

Independent valuation. Financial estimates that are independent of reality because fees are involved.

Sub prime mortgage crisis. A financial disaster disguised as a game of bingo between central bankers. Could be Iran’s fault, we don’t know.

Turnaround. A dance favoured by chief executives to make them look like they are going somewhere. It involves spinning around on the spot while slipping a pay rise into the back pocket.

 

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